


Everything's Alright

by PharoahsWitch93



Series: Are You the One? [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Complete, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 18:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9453548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PharoahsWitch93/pseuds/PharoahsWitch93
Summary: If he closed his eyes, he could pretend everything was alright. But, in the end, nothing will be...





	

**Author's Note:**

> One-Shot Based on the song "Everything's Alright" by Laura Shigihara  
> A continuation of You're Losing Your Memory Now.
> 
> If you've ever played or watched a Let's Play of the game "To The Moon" by Freebird Games, this one-shot will work the same way as the part in which this song plays during the game. Some remnants of the original memory are retained mainly strong feelings and emotions, but otherwise are completely overwritten. First section is actual memory, second section after **** is re-written memory. _____ indicates new memories.
> 
> Update: Noticed that AO3 messed up some section of the story which is really jarring. Fixed it.
> 
> I own nothing in this story! Things either belong to Freebird Games, Laura Shigihara, Nintendo, or Intelligent Systems. Warnings: hints of suicidal thoughts and depression. Again, no beta so any and all mistakes are my own. Tell me in the reviews what to fix. Constructive criticism welcomed.

Pride swells in his heart as his lord bows his head before Camilla, kneeling in front of the Nohrian throne. The eldest princess smiles fondly at her older brother before placing the crown upon his brow. Xander stands to the cheers of the crowd. Head held high as he greets the Nohrian people as their new king. Laslow is swept away by the cacophony of noise. He makes sure his cheers are the loudest. His lord's eyes search the crowds, scanning for something or someone until they rest upon him. Laslow's breath catches in his throat. A beat. His heart races as they continue staring at one another. He blinks. Xander tears his gaze away from him to address the crowd.

Its hours since the coronation. Yet the music from the party still drifts down into the courtyard where he finds himself. His eyes gaze at the stars above. He wonders if they are the same here as they are in Ylisse? It has been so long. With Anankos defeated, he no longer has a reason to stay in this world. He can return to his friends. To his family. His fingers play with the small globe in his palm. Its opaque color and spherical shape catches the moonlight in a way that's truly beautiful. He sighs.

"Is everything alright, Laslow?"

Laslow jumps at the unexpected voice, the little glass ball nearly crashing to the ground. He pockets the thing quickly and moves to stand. His body dips into the customary, almost natural, bow required of him.

"It's nothing milord."

Laslow rises. Xander wears a familiar look on his face. One that tells him he knows he's lying. He breaks eye contact with his leige, wondering when exactly he became such an open book to him.

"Tell me, what's on your mind?"

Laslow sighs, turning his back to him.

"The war is over." He has no more reason to stay...

His arms encircle himself in what little comfort they provide. He made Owain swear that they would wait until Xander was crowned king. He wouldn't - couldn't leave his lord's side until it was official. Owain tried to argue against the idea. The longer they stayed, the harder it would be for the both of them to leave unnoticed. He had a point, but he stood his ground. It was the least he could do for the now-king. Besides, it gave Owain time to prepare his family for exactly what was going to happen. It amazed him that his old friend had managed to find love, let alone sire a child, in this world. More amazingly was the fact that Severa had as well, ultimately coming to the decision to remain. It seems he was the only one to keep to their original rules upon entry.

Or had he really? Laslow can feel every step Xander takes closer to him as thoroughly as he can feel the gentle breeze wafting through his hair. He shivers at the slight touch of their shoulders as they stand side-by-side, hoping Xander takes it as a response to the chill and not for what it truly is. His gaze returns to the stars. Too fearful of turning his head and seeing the frown he knows is on his lord's face.

"Indeed it is." Laslow chances a glance; his lord wears a small smile. "For so long I had come to believe that this kind of peace was unobtainable." The relief in his lord's voice doesn't pass by him. Laslow smiles in turn causing Xander to look down at him. "Thank you for the hand you played, Laslow."

He sputters. His cheeks flush red in embarassment.

"I merely followed your orders, milord."

Xander shakes his head in disagreement.

"Do not take me for a fool. I know there is more to it then merely following my orders." Laslow's mouth thins at his lord's words. "I swore I would never pry into your past, but may I ask one question?"

He bites his lip. His lord's gaze unwavering. The past. It has always been the one subject that was a taboo between them. Not because of his desire to remain anonymous, but because of his desire to spare Xander any pain…

"What is it you desire to know?"

"Why?"

Laslow bristles at the question.

"Why what milord?"

The silence stretches between them. His lord's attention turns to the sky above. Laslow continues to focus his attention on him.

"Why did you fight for us? This...this was never your war."

So he did manage to dechiper his cryptic jokes? Laslow almost laughs. Nothing ever got past the Crown Prince of Nohr. Too observant and critical in thinking to miss anything. The young man knows Lady Corrin's favorite scents after all. He can see the guilt clawing at his lord's mind. Laslow remembers back to Xander's words that one night. How his past retainers had died giving their lives to spare his. Even to this day it still haunts him. Laslow had promised to live for him that day. And he did. Yet there's no doubt in his mind that once Xander started putting the pieces together, the possibility of Laslow dying for him in an unfamiliar world struck hard. He probably sees him as an innocent. He's not.

"At first it was simple," he starts. "Find the divine weapons, locate lady Corrin, and help her defeat Anankos." He pauses, wondering if he'll disappear should he continue on. Does a curse still hold power if its castor no longer lives? "I had dealt with fell dragons before, what was one more to add to the list?" Xander's brow quirks at that, but doesn't press for more. "Truthfully, I was meant to go to Hoshido, but things changed and I found myself in Nohr. I became a royal retainer in order to find Lady Corrin having known she had been...uprooted from her original home. It was my sole purpose and yet - again - things changed. I got to know you and it no longer remained a passing duty, but one I took immense pride in."

His lord stares at him thoughtfully, mulling his words over in his head.

"So you agreed to help us because you thought it would be easy?"

Laslow laughs.

"I have seen two wars previously and am no stranger to the difficulties surrounding such a thing."

It's funny how easily he can confess to Xander after having kept it bottled up for so long. But what was the harm in letting him know the truth now? His adventure is coming to an end. For the second time tonight, Xander's brow quirks up. Laslow can see the urge to delve deeper into the subject, but his liege shows the most admirable restraint.

"War creates friends from strangers. Allies from enemies," he continues. "If you want to know why I fought, look toward the smiling and laughing faces of the people around us."

Xander's lips twitch into a gentle smile.

"You stayed for your friends."

Laslow starts at his lord's phrasing. Well..he's not wrong. His mission's importance only increased as he got to know the people of Nohr better. He had found something worth fighting for...Laslow catches his king's eye. Wistfulness runs deep within the amber irises. The emotion paralyzes him. His heart twists into something unknown. The urge to run from these feelings is strong, but Xander blinks and looks away. Back up into the starry sky. The moon shines brightly within his eyes. Laslow follows suit, savoring the moment. If he closed his eyes, he could pretend everything was alright. But, in the end, nothing will be...

******

The coronation concluded hours ago and yet the party is still in full swing. He had finished his kingly duties for the evening. Xander graciously thanked the Hoshidan royals for attending, promising to be at Ryoma's own coronation within the following week. He expertly dodged questions of marriage and anything about an heir. The new title of King barely a day old and already they are hounding him for such a thing. His face is strained from sitting through multiple nobles already kissing his boots for favors in court. It was honestly a nightmare. All he wants to do is relax before his duties fully kicked in. Thankfully, Camilla had taken it upon herself to deal with the remaining nobles seeking audience with the king, having seen him reaching his breaking point. With a grateful smile, he bowed out of the festivities for a bit of fresh air. It's how he finds himself staring up at the moon. Its beams casting an ethereal glow over the courtyard.

For so long he had believed this kind of peace was unobtainable and yet here he sits with the next king of Hoshido within the same castle walls. Drinking and conversing with fellow Nohrians as if it isn't some novel idea. It's comforting. With the forging of the permanent peace treaty between the three major kingdoms, he no longer has to sleep with his sword by his side.

"Xander?" He turns at the sound of his name, his smile stretching wide at the sight of his little sister. The crown on her own head catching the moon's beams. "Is everything ok?"

"Of course, little princess. I merely needed a breath of fresh air."

Corrin nods in understanding.

"We should get back to the party. Ryoma and the others are retiring for the night, but wish to congratulate you once more. Or at least Hinoka and Ryoma. Sakura has already retired having nearly fallen asleep in her chair and Takumi is MIA though probably playing chess with Leo in the library."

Xander chuckles.

"I'll be right there."

Corrin laughs with him, holding out her hand toward him. He takes it in his own. She squeezes. Xander smiles. His previous doubts and fears and worries gone. Everything turned out alright in the end.

__________________________________________________________

The sight of Gunter sitting upon the throne possessed by Anankos had paralyzed him. Memories of another who was once possessed by a great fell dragon assaulted him. The uncertainty it had caused. The tension it created. Heartbreak and sorrow. The sacrifice and guilt. Things he cowardly tried to run away from when he accepted this mission. He has to scoff at himself. What idiot fled a mournful peace to join a senseless war? Yet there he was, standing with others as they gazed at the leer upon Gunter's face. Was it possible for history to repeat itself even if the world does not share the same sky? Fate has a really funny way of dealing her hand.

"Are you alright Laslow?"

His lord's voice breaks his thoughts. Xander's brow drawn in worry as he gazes down at him. Laslow rolls his shoulders, his usual teasing smile falling into place.

"Picture perfect as ever milord if I must say so myself."

Xander stares at him for another second before taking a seat beside him. The tips of his boots hang off the edge of their palace and over the water. His hands automatically fold in his lap. Most of his upper body weight leans on his elbows upon his knees. He gives him a quick glance out of the corner of his eye before looking back over the lake.

"How's your arm?" his lord asks.

Laslow looks down to his right, the apendage wrapped in layers of bandage and a thin sheen of salve. Thankfully, it wasn't his dominate arm. That really would have been too familiar a scene for him.

"I'll be able to fight."

The smile on his face did not brighten Xander's. If anything, it made him more pensive.

"Are you frightened?"

The question throws him off guard. His lord turns to him then. Those amber eyes are filled with concern and understanding. But what could Xander possibly understand about how he feels? The very scenario that destroyed his world and nearly destroyed his second potentially playing out in this one. Would Anankos try to possess Corrin? Without Gunter, it is a much higher possibility now that he knows he can do so. And if that happened, then what? Could he fight against another comrad? At least this time, she wouldn't be considered a part of the family...

"I'm not afraid."

Lies. He couldn't do it if it was asked of him. Xander hums, his gaze ghosting over his right arm.

"And yet you paused at the sight of Gunter's possession." Laslow bites his lip. "This is not the first time you've encountered something such as that is it?"

Sometimes, he hated how observant and analytical Xander could be. Yet it was just another thing he loved about his lord.

"No...it's not."

The words ride on the breeze that blows through them creating silence in their wake. Within minutes, Corrin's voice penetrates the quiet around them, barking orders to the soldiers who can still fight. Laslow's head turns at the sound. So, the time has come. He stands and dusts himself off. A useless action, but it keeps his mind occupied from the battle to come.

"You don't have to fight."

No, he doesn't. It would be very easy to blame his reluctance on his injured arm. Nobody would question it. Well, save Severa and Owain who know he's dominately left-handed. His gaze rises to meet Xander's. Those amber eyes stare at his injured arm. Odd emotions playing within the irises. Trepidation and fear. Xander looks at him then and he can see the worry clear as day in his gaze. Worry for him. But he doesn't have to worry, he promised to live for him, not die for him. As long as Xander was by his side, he felt like he could do anything.

Laslow smiles softly. He bends to grab his sword which was laying beside him. The weight puts a little strain on his arm before he tosses it to the other hand, catching it easily. He swings it around a couple times, getting used to the feeling of using his left hand again. It's been too long. Xander's brow hikes up at the display.

"Don't worry milord, I'm ambidextrous," he says and he can't help but wink at the mixture of amusement and fondness on his lord's face.

******

He had never seen anything like it before, the possession of a god. It was something he never wished to see again. What would stop him from possessing his siblings? His friends? Him? The very thought had made his blood go cold. They were forced to do a quick regroup before meeting Anankos head on. Their objective to get those severely wounded to the infirmary and heal the minor injuries of those that could still fight. It seems a bit ridiculous to be back within the astral plane to him. A completely different world.

Everything was too peaceful here. Too quiet. It's a far cry from reality. They are at the crux of war and yet here he is, standing idly by the boats back to the physical plane. There are others with him of course. His brother and Camilla. Ryoma, Hinoka, and Takumi. Both younger princesses staying behind to help with the injured. A thing that makes him secretly happy. Then there's Niles and Shura. Kaden and Orochi. Saizo and Kaze. Azura and Jakob. Beruka and Cheif Fuga. The rest too injured or busy tending to the wounded to fight.

He watches as Corrin gives one last order before joining them at the docks. Her face is pensive as she looks out over the lake. Xander takes a deep breath in time with hers.

"Are you ready?"

She looks to everyone. Her eyes locking with each individual before her. They finally lock on him and, just like the rest, he nods his head in affirmation.

__________________________________________________________

He has never seen Xander look more distraught then he does right now. Save for that day in the Hoshidan valley. The day Lady Corrin decided to stand with neither Nohr or Hoshido.

"Milord?"

His voice is strong as he tries to pull Xander from his musings. The crown prince glances up at him.

"Is there something you need Laslow?"

Xander's voice is like acid, bitter and biting in its tone. Laslow frowns at the sound. He doesn't take it personally. He never has.

"What are your orders?"

Xander visibly deflates at the question. He smiles a bit in triumph.

"I - I don't know." The smile fades at his lord's admission. "Elise is missing. I think she went to join Corrin's brigade."

Xander takes a deep breath while he takes the seat before his desk.

"May I speak frankly milord?"

They lock eyes. Amber meeting steel. The intensity of it sends shivers down his spine. There were moments, such as these, when Laslow could almost pretend they were something more. Beyond the relationship of a lord to his retainer. Beyond friendship.

"You never asked permission before Laslow."

He smirks and Laslow's heart flutters.

"Perhaps Lady Corrin does know something we don't."

Xander's gaze casts downwards as he exhales.

"I cannot go against my country." A pause. "I cannot go against my father."

There are the words he expected to hear. His father. The driving force behind everything he does whether he wants to do it or not. Laslow fights the urge to growl. Since the first day he met the man, he knew he was pure evil. Like Validar, but somehow worse. Not an ounce of humanity left in his flesh. What man orders an entire village slaughtered for one person's quarrel? His deeds have haunted Xander for years because he sees them as his deeds as well. Ever the loyal son, he committed some pretty heinous crimes in Garon's name. In the name of Nohr. He knows Xander's fears, worries, and doubts. Has brought him back from the brink of the end. And he has told him time and time again that Xander holds no blame. He is not to blame for all the lives lost. Garon executed them. 'But he uses my sword…' Laslow closes his eyes against the words his lord once muttered. Xander is not the one to blame.

"Will you be honest with me Laslow?" he asks, gazing up at him.

"As honest as I can be."

Xander chuckles. His head shaking back and forth in mirth. But then his smile melts into a frown and Laslow finds himself willing to do anything to put it back on his face.

"Leo said Corrin believes that father is...not himself." His eyes close in struggle. "I had believed that father was merely ill. And once we win the war, he will return to his old self. However, after he stated he wished for the destruction of both Nohr and Hoshido...I'm starting to have doubts." His eyes open and fixate on him. Laslow swallows past the lump in his throat, knowing what he is going to ask. "Laslow, do you believe my father is truly gone?"

Silence reigns as they do nothing but stare at each other, Laslow trying to think of an answer. Hope mares Xander's face. The last thing he wishes to do is to see that hope crumble.

"Yes."

The syllable rings out in the spacious office. His lord nods his head in resignation.

"That's what I feared you would say." He stands from his chair, moving around the desk to Laslow's side, stopping before him. "We are to meet Leo within the hour. Be ready to ride and to possibly go into battle.

Laslow rises as Xander makes his way to the door.

"Milord, where are we going?"

He pauses. Hand on the doorknob.

"To meet Corrin."

Laslow beams as Xander leaves to prepare himself.

******

He sits in his office, thinking over the recent battle in Cyrkensia. Something is off. Corrin appeared distracted during the entire engagement. As if her mind was not focused on their duel, but on their surroundings. On...something. A knock on his door disrupts his thoughts.

"Come in."

His loyal retainer Peri walks in, carrying a tray of tea and some of her homemade candies. He smiles at the sight. She always did love spoiling him with her treats. The young girl swiftly sets the tray down before him on the desk. He hungrily takes one. When was the last time he ate?

"Is there anything else you want Lord Xander?"

Xander shakes his head, savoring the delicious treat.

"Thank you, but I'm well."

Peri smiles. She nods, spinning on her heel to leave his study. Xander pauses in his enjoyment of her sweets.

"Actually," he calls out. Peri turns to face him, her expression confused. "Tell me Peri. You fought with Corrin during the last skirmish correct?"

Peri enthusiastically nods her head, but it quickly subsides and morphs into a pout.

"I did. I'm sorry I didn't get to stabby stab like you asked me too. I...I failed as your retainer."

The girl is on the verge of tears. Xander stands from his chair and stops before her. She looks up. He makes sure to where a smile.

"It's alright Peri. You didn't fail me. I merely wanted to ascertain something from you."

Her face brightens up as if she hadn't nearly been crying a second before.

"What can I do for ya Lord Xander?"

"Did Corrin seem distracted to you? Like her mind was elsewhere?"

Peri nods.

"Definitely. She was staring at the walled enclosure where some of her allied companions went for some reason. She appeared worried for them. And - and she kept scanning the area we were in as if making sure we weren't attacked by someone. It was weird." Xander contemplates her words. Corrin had been the same way with him. "But the weirdest part was," he looks to his retainer as she recounts her exploits on the battlefield. "I saw Jakob and this green ninja man throwing daggers at the air. I figured they had lost their minds." A pause. "Is that all?"

Corrin had said that there was an unknown enemy amidst them. Is that what Jakob and the ninja were attacking? Could Corrin truly know something they did not? The only thing left to do would be to find out. Which is exactly what Leo and him had planned.

"Peri, we meet Leo within the hour. Be ready to ride and to possibly go into battle."

Peri blinks, surprised at the turn of events.

"Why are we meeting Prince Leo?"

He's out the door by the time the answer leaves his lips, knowing she will hear it anyway.

"We're meeting Corrin at the Bottomless Canyon."

__________________________________________________________

Xander stares at him as he busies himself in the study. His eyes tracking his every movement. The heat rising to the surface in the form of a blush. He really should be better at controlling that.

"Corrin turned into a dragon that day."

Laslow nearly drops the cup he's holding as his other hand wipes the dust away. Not that there is much dust. It was very rare for Xander to speak openly about that day in the valley. And he hasn't initiated an informal conversation with him since he silently accused him of blame. Not that he would ever take back what he said. His lord is quite a stubborn person who needs a wake-up call every now and then to ease up.

"I saw," he agrees.

"Having a dragon would be quite some firepower in one's arsenal don't you think?"

Now his random statement makes sense. That conversation seems like such a long time ago...

"I do," he smiles.

Xander continues watching him.

"I find there are very few coincidences when it comes to you Laslow."

Laslow merely smiles at the fact.

******

He was not prepared to fight his sister that day. He was definitely not prepared to face the dragon she had become right before his eyes. Xander knew his sister was different. Her appearance making that fact clear. He never feared her or scorned her. She's the last person to hurt anyone such a kind-hearted soul. Could the Hoshidans be able to transform into dragons as well? Surely he would have been told of such an ability by one of his scouts. But what does this mean in the grand scheme of things? There's something he's missing. Something big, but he has not a clue as to what it could be.

__________________________________________________________

He hasn't eaten. He hasn't been sleeping. He buries himself in his princely duties. Anything to keep his mind from Lady Corrin's decision to side against Nohr. Then again, she didn't side with Hoshido either. And Laslow is afraid. Terrified of the self-destructive tendencies that have once again risen within his lord.

"Milord?"

Xander shows no response. He merely continues staring out the window overlooking the decrepit garden. His eyes hollow looking.

"Milord?"

Again, nothing. Laslow sighs as he makes his way to his prince's side. Xander visibly flinches from the gentle touch on his arm. He retreats.

"Xander," he pleads.

His name sparks something within him. Finally, he turns to him and Laslow has to bite his lip from crying out in anguish as he gets a good look at him. He slowly brings his hand back up. Xander watches its every move, but he makes no attempt to stop it. It lands delicately on his arm once more.

"Tell me what I can do."

"Unless you can bring Corrin back, there is nothing." Laslow frowns. "Was it something I did? Was it something I said that drove her away? Have I been a horrible brother to her? To Leo and Camilla and Elise after all?"

Laslow cups Xander's cheek in his palm silencing him. His mind screams at him to stop. That this oversteps the bounds between lord and retainer. Possibly even between friends, but right now, he doesn't care. After all, he overstepped that boundary long ago. He knows full well how thoughts can spiral out of control. His lord makes no motion to move and he's not sure if it's because he finds it comforting or if he's too numb to notice.

"Thinking like that is not going to help milord."

Xander scowls and pulls away from him. His eyes looking back over the garden. Laslow refuses to linger on the warmth still within his palm.

"Then what am I to think?"

Laslow shakes his head, guiding Xander's gaze back to him with his hand. The warmth spreading across his palm once again. He will not let him sink back down. He's not sure who would break first if that happened.

"Think about her words. Her decision."

"I can't keep it from my mind," he murmurs.

A long sigh passes his lips.

"Milord, she refused to fight you. She refused to fight any of you because you're her family. Can't you see that?"

Xander scrunches his eyes together. His thumb caresses his cheek in response, coaxing him back to the present. Away from his spiraling thoughts and give him something to ground himself with. Minutes pass before those amber eyes open up to him once more. They look so defeated and exhausted. A jagged knife pierces his heart at the sight. He had sworn to himself that he would do all he could to make sure he never saw this image again. And he's failed. Laslow's not aware of his tears until they tickle his nose. He chuckles in embarrassment as he wipes them away. Xander's face lines with guilt.

"I apologize," he whispers.

Amber meets steel. Laslow shakes his head in denial; they were not doing this again.

"Think nothing of it milord. My sister always teased me that I was quite the crybaby and emotionally driven. I just hate seeing people upset."

Xander perks up at the mention of his past.

"You have a sister too?"

The way he said it makes Laslow's heart lurch. Perhaps mentioning his sister wasn't his brightest move? He nods anyway.

"Older than I am, but we get along pretty well. There were times when we fought. Nothing beat the war though, we were at each other's throats almost daily."

He sighs as he remembers that time. She had been so adamant about him staying around the palace, but he truly believed he could be of more help on the front lines. So he left. He left on a bitter note and almost didn't return. The sheer look of relief that had consumed her nearly knocked him off his feet. Her arms throwing themselves around him in an unusual display of affection. 'Thank Naga…' Those were her words only audible to him. She shook as he held her. He could never apologize enough for making her worry like that since.

"It was because she cared deeply for me. I was the only family she had left and she didn't want to lose me...I think it's the same for Lady Corrin. She cares deeply for you and your siblings and she cares deeply for her Hoshidan siblings. To side with one over the other would tear her heart in two. She doesn't want to lose any of you if she can help it."

"She has lost all of us with her decision."

Laslow sighs.

"She asked for your compliance and you denied it. Prince Ryoma denied it as well. The blame does not lie with her."

"Be careful where you tread," Xander growls.

Laslow knows he's right. His lord knows he is right, but he will not push. Not today. Xander's no longer spiraling out of control, not when his not-so-subtle accusation fills his thoughts instead. It wasn't the best way to let him cope with such feelings, but he knows his mind too well. He'll take his words to heart even if he doesn't wish to. Analyzing them over and over again until they become a mantra. Eventually, he'll see the truth. And he knows Xander will be able to handle it because he's a man of action. He acknowledges when he's wrong and then he does what he can to fix it. But, just in case, he'll be standing by as always.

******

Damn it, why? Why did she side against Nohr? Was it something he said? Was it something he did that drove her away? He knows he keeps his distance from all of them. Does she begrudge him for it? Did that make him a horrible brother to her? Surely she knows why he does such things? Do Camilla and Leo and Elise feel the same way? Do they hate him as well? Has he been a horrible brother all this time and he's been too blind to see it?

Xander takes a deep breath, desperate to calm his raging mind. No, it would not do well to dwell on these things. He is the stoic prince. The unshakeable pillar of the family. He will not break under such thoughts. Though, he would be lying if he didn't wish someone would take notice of his suffering. This is only a minor set back.

__________________________________________________________

The sound of a blade hitting a dummy slowly wakes him from his slumber. For a second, his surroundings confuse him. The darkness making things harder to see. But his mind eventually fills in the blanks, reminding him that he's at the Northern Fortress with Lord Xander and Lady Corrin. He throws the covers, walking to the window. He'd recognize that head of blonde hair anywhere. Slipping on his shoes and a light cloak, he makes his way to the small training ground. The moon is high above, illuminating his lord's figure. A thin sheen of sweat is on his brow. His hair matted to his forehead. Laslow blushes as he realizes Xander's currently shirtless. He fights back against such thoughts. His place is at Xander's side, but not like that. With a snarl, his prince lunges forward, Siegfried tearing through the imaginary enemy easily. Poor dummy.

"Milord?"

His voice is quiet, but Xander hears him anyway. Eyes widening at realizing he had an audience.

"Did I wake you?"

Yes.

"No, I woke quite thirsty and saw you out here. Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine."

He doesn't believe him.

"You should get to bed milord, you have quite a busy day tomorrow." Xander's grip on Siegfried tightens. He would have missed it had his lord's eyes not looked away from his own. "Tell me what's on your mind."

Xander gives him a peculiar look.

"When did I become such an open book to you?"

Maybe it was when he realized he loved him? His attentiveness to his lord's every move increased tenfold. Or was it that day? When his walls broke down and he was laid bare before him. The day he realized they were quite the same in many ways.

"Well, let's just say you remind me of someone I know."

He winks. Xander's countenance is confused, but he doesn't press.

"Do you think Corrin is ready?"

To venture into the world? Yes. For war? No. It's sometimes hard for him to imagine Lady Corrin as the hero this world needs. Growing up in isolation certainly does not bode well. Is she ready to leave the fortress? Yes. But to go into battle which it is undoubtedly certain she will? She is not yet ready to face those horrors. He wasn't prepared despite his circumstances.

"I think she has a chance at beating you tomorrow milord. After all, nothing quite beats training from a crown prince or king. Even if it does leave one heavily bruised after a spar."

Xander eyes him at his words.

"You speak from experience."

Laslow chuckles and winks.

"I spar with you often enough milord."

"Yes, but I am no king."

Laslow smirks at Xander's perceptiveness. No, he isn't but...

"One day, you will be."

******

He drives Siegfried forward, striking at the enemy's torso. It cuts right through him. Xander frowns as his sword resists his pull. Cursing inwardly, he moves toward the dummy and dislodges Siegfried from its cotton. Usually, he would replace such a thing so Corrin would still have something to practice on, but if things go according to plan, he won't have to. By this time tomorrow, she could be sleeping under the roof of Castle Krakenburg with the rest of them. The thought excites him. It also worries him.

His little princess has lived quite a sheltered life here at the Northern Fortress. And he's done so much to shield her from the worse of the world. Is leaving truly the best thing for her? There's no doubt that once they return, she'll be dragged into the war effort just as they all had been. He glances at his brother, standing beside him.

"Leo, do you think she's ready?"

Leo scoffs, but there's a smile on his face.

"She'll be alright brother. You trained her well."

But was it well enough? He could only hope that things would turn out alright.

__________________________________________________________

"I've taken notice that your exploits have diminished recently these past few weeks."

Laslow doesn't even respond to Xander's voice. His attention completely focused on the pint of mead before him. How did he manage to find him? It was too late for anyone to even notice his absence. He had dutifully performed his tasks before sneaking down into the kitchen. He just wanted to be alone, last night's realization making him unwell.

Xander takes a seat beside him on the bench. His lord looks completely out of place sitting at the servants' dinning table in his silk nightclothes. The clothes hung loosely enough, but he could still see the definition of Xander's muscles and - Laslow takes a swig of his drink.

"How many have you had?"

Xander points to the cup cradled in his hand. Laslow scoffs.

"This is only my third. I just needed to relax before bed."

His lord hums.

"It's not like you to find solace in a cup." He shrugs, taking another gulp of the warmed liquid. "Is everything alright?"

No.

"Yes."

He nods his head minutely, obviously not buying his answer.

"I had hoped we had come to the point in our relationship where we wouldn't lie to each other."

A bit of his drink dribbles down his chin. His white nightshirt acts as a makeshift napkin for him.

"It is not a lie milord." Xander hums again. "How did you even know I was awake?"

"Your door was open."

He honestly didn't care as to why his lord would be near his room so late at night. It was not for the images that were forming in his mind at the thought, that's for sure. Laslow's fist curls on the handle of his cup. Another swig. Xander's hand reaches out, stopping the drink just before his lips.

"Perhaps you've had enough for tonight?" he cautions.

Laslow snorts. He far surpassed his limits long ago. What's one more sip?

"I'm fine."

He jerks the cup away from Xander's hold and downs another gulp. His lord's eyes narrow at the action. The cup completely empty. Laslow shakily gets to his feet, not wanting to be in Xander's presence anymore. But his legs betray him as his knees give out from underneath him. Xander stands to catch him before he can crash to the floor. Damn being a lightweight.

"You are hardly fine Laslow."

Laslow struggles against his hold. He lets him go without much of a fight. Satisfied, he takes a step forward only for his knees to give out again. Xander's beneath him in seconds. A incoherent argument rises from his throat as his lord tucks his arm beneath his knees. This is the last thing he wants. Or is it the first? Damn his muddled senses and inappropriate thoughts.

"Let me help you."

The whispered words ghost against his ear sending chills down his spine. His will to fight leaves him. Xander cradles him to his chest. His lord's warmth putting him more at ease than it should. He can feel the rumble in his lord's chest as Xander's chuckles as he unconsciously snuggles closer to him.

"Rest now Laslow."

The next day, he couldn't remember how he got into bed.

******

Xander quietly makes his way into the kitchen. An unquenchable thirst driving him out of bed. He pauses as a figure appears in his vision. With a slight of hand, the candle beside him springs to life. There, on the bench, sits his little sister in her nightclothes. Half asleep if her posture is anything to go by.

"Elise, what are you doing up so late?"

She jumps at his voice and he winces, not meaning to scare her.

"Xander!" The sleepiness she probably felt evaporates as he enters the area. "I got thirsty and didn't want to wake anyone."

He smiles at her.

"Me too. Mind if I join you?"

She beams, shaking her head enthusiastically. He quickly grabs a cup of water and takes a seat beside her. Her body leans into his in contentment. Together, they silently drink their fill. How long has it been since he's spent time with her like this? When was their last tea party? Xander frowns as he can't think of the time. His thoughts are interrupted by a soft snore from Elise.

He looks down at her. The cup once in her hand resting on the table. Her arms curled tight around his own arm. She looks adorable in such a pure state of being. An affectionate smile curls his lips. Gently he eases himself from his position and guides her into his arms. He cradles her close to his chest, careful not to jostle her as he carries her back in his arms with all the love he can muster. Gazing down at her, he knows everything will be alright in the end.

__________________________________________________________

"Ugh...so bored," he moaned.

He has been complaining non-stop since his confinement to his lord's room. One little misplaced compliment and a brief brawl is not worth this much torture. Xander pays him little to no mind. He huffs in annoyance, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Is this really all you're going to allow me to do all day? Sit here cross-legged on your floor while you go about your business?"

Xander sighs, the quill in his hand dropping to his desk. He rubs at his temple.

"It is. And you know whose fault that is," he chastises. His lord resumes writing his report as he continues lecturing him. "As long as you remain in my sight, I know you are not bothering the townspeople."

Laslow inwardly groans.

"But I'll get rusty. At least let me go out and get some training done."

Xander shakes his head. The feather lightly brushes his cheek. Laslow looks away from the sight as a lump forms in his throat. Why has that been happening a lot lately?

"Not a chance. I know you too well. The second you're out of sight, you'll make a beeline for the nearest town. Likely to harass yet another poor young woman."

He is not that desperate. He's not even looking for anything like that. He just finds beauty in all things. Or tries to. There wasn't much beauty in his home world after his parents died, but that didn't stop him from searching. His mother always said that each day was a gift. And each encounter had the potential to change someone's life. Not a single encounter would ever be the same even with the same person. He had learned early on to treasure such moments of levity. All too soon, many of those moments were followed by despair and loss.

And maybe Xander would be able to understand if he explained everything, but there was still this fear to hold back. He was supposed to be in incognito. Yet, he wants to open up to Xander. To let his lord know everything about him. To confide in him. But the truth was a messy thing. So he hides what he can in plain sight. It's become sort of a game between them. He provides some information and Xander has to sort through what was true and what was false. And right now, he is quite bored out of his mind. A little game sounded like just the thing to pass the time.

"Fine, fine."

He pretends to scrutinize his lord. Xander must feel his gaze for he sighs again, turning to look at him. An annoyed countenance greets him.

"Staring at me like that will not give me cause to release you any sooner."

Laslow beams at him, putting on his most innocent facade. He can see the strain of Xander forcing himself not to roll his eyes.

"You don't have a birthmark on your eye or ankle do you? Or maybe on your shoulder?"

"What? A birthmark?" his lord questions, completely bewildered by the turn of events.

Laslow continues to smile.

"Yea, like a crest of something. Maybe one symbolizing Nohrian royal lineage? Just wondering," he shrugs nonchalantly.

Xander's eyes narrow imperceptibly as he slowly catches on. He lays the quill back down, his full attention on him. The report to his father forgotten.

"How would I even see with a mark on my eye?"

Laslow laughs. He had asked the same thing of his sister once. She said she can't even see it until she looks in the mirror and sees it reflected back at her. It was easy for her to forget it was there. His was even more easy to forget, always hidden by his slacks.

"You know, I never did quite figure that out myself. I think the ankle would be a more convenient location," he muses.

He doesn't miss Xander's gaze flicking down to his ankle. He's correct, but he won't be able to see the evidence for himself. Anankos's spell made sure of that.

"The royal family of my homeland has them," he continues to explain. "I wanted to know if it was the same here."

Xander's brow furrows at that information. No doubt he's questioning his original assumption. Laslow inwardly chuckles. What would Xander do if he knew he was a prince of a foreign land? He can't help but think he wouldn't believe him. He's not exactly princely material.

"Your homeland sounds like a fascinating place with human-dragon hybrids, mystical swords and shields, and royal birthmarks."

"Does it? Well, if you'd like to know anything more about it, I'd be happy to tell you. Although my boss is keeping me busy these days, so I'm a smidge pressed for time," he teases.

The corners of Xander's lips twitch upward.

"Was that sarcasm? With me? I admire your bravery."

"No milord. I wouldn't dare."

Their combined laughter rings throughout the room. It felt so freeing to be joking with his lord. It brought back many memories, but he treasured these new ones just as much. Xander calms down first.

"I must admit Laslow, sometimes it's quite hard to tell when you're joking and when you're being serious." He sighs. "Why will you not be straightforward with me? Surely you know you can confide in me."

Laslow swallows.

"I rather not put you at risk."

Xander's gaze hardens at his words.

"Are you threatened?"

He shakes his head.

"Not directly." Xander opens his mouth to press forward, but Laslow holds up his hand. "Do not worry yourself about it milord. It was something I willingly agreed to and my decision does not waver."

"If there is someone threatening you or blackmailing you, I want to know."

The protectiveness within his voice nearly knocks him from his seat. Just what is it about Xander that causes him to react in such ways? His heart beats a mile a minute within his chest, threatening to burst from its boney confinement. He can feel his cheeks flushing red. Xander rubs the back of his neck with his hand, a nervous tick Laslow noticed.

"Truthfully, I would look into your past myself if I did not hold you in such high esteem my friend."

Laslow ignores the ping of hurt in his chest at the casual endearment.

"There are very few footprints of mine in this world, and none of them are old," he counters. "Besides, I don't know where you'd start with a false name and fake appearance."

"What?"

They stare at each other from across the room. His words hang between them like an anvil ready to drop. The tension in the room palable. Xander breaks it first. A long slow breath breaking the stillness between them.

"You have proven to be a valuable person in my life...Laslow. I trust you, even with all your secrets."

******

Xander works away at the report due to his father tomorrow. The only sound in the whole room the scratching of his quill to parchment. It was moments like this where he wished it wasn't so silent. To have someone to talk to. Peri provides enough company, but it is not enough.

He rubs at his temple. Such thoughts are not good for his state of mind. Maybe a change of scenery would help? He gathers his materials, making his way toward the library. If he was lucky, he may be able to catch Leo reading. Granted, if his brother is reading, he wouldn't be much for conversation, but his presence would be a welcomed change.

__________________________________________________________

The sight of her should not have hit him so hard as it did. Her pointed ears and familiar eyes makes him pause in his movements. Xander had spoken to him yesterday that they would be setting out to visit Corrin at the Northern Fortress. He didn't question as to why a sister of his would not live within the castle, but he dutifully packed what little belongings he had for the three day trip. When they arrived, the younger woman burst out of the double doors, throwing herself at her brothers and sisters in utter joy. His eyes cast over to Odin and Selena. Their shocked expressions mirroring his own.

It's not like he forgot the reason for his stay in Nohr. This world is threatened by a once benign dragon driven mad from degradation. He had personally recruited them to help his daughter defeat him. A daughter who unfortunately went unnamed. Laslow knows this and it irks him that he never put two and two together until now. Just looking at this girl, he knew they had found her. Xander's watching him from over the top of Corrin's head. His gaze questioning and inquisitive at his momentary lapse of thought. He jumps off his horse and personally leads his and Xander's to the stable.

By nightfall, Laslow is mostly settled in his little room. Not as spacious as his room at Castle Krakenburg, but cozy enough. He's not surprised by the knock on his door.

"Come in," he calls out over his shoulder.

He finishes placing the picture of his mother by his bedside; he never went anywhere without. His lord walks through the door out of his armor ready for bed. It was nice to see him so unguarded around him.

"Are the accommodations to your liking?"

Laslow snorts in amusement.

"Milord, you and I both know that is not why you are here." His lord grins at the comment, inviting himself further into the room. The door creaks shut behind him. "Careful milord, people might get the wrong impression if they were to see us now."

His tone is completely teasing yet a jolt of nervousness spikes through him anyway.

"People would dare not talk...I know my sister's appearance is...striking but I assure you she is harmless."

Laslow bursts out laughing. Of all the things his lord could possibly say in response to his actions early, that was the least expecting of them all. He has to take a full minute to calm down. However, the look of perplexity on Xander's face at his laughter nearly causing him to burst out again.

"Milord, that is hardly the reason for my actions earlier. I apologize if I gave her that impression. One of my good friends is a manakete so I'm not afraid."

Xander nods in understanding.

"Manakete?" he asks.

He winces at another slip up of his. He's supposed to be incognito and he hasn't been doing so well lately. Did this world have manaketes? If Xander is unfamiliar with the term, perhaps not. Or maybe they go by something else in this realm?

"A human-dragon hybrid. There aren't many left in my country, but they exist. Are they rare in Nohr?"

Xander's eyes widen at the information before clearing his throat.

"I have never heard of such a thing. And my sister is not half-dragon, unless you are talking about the dragon's blood within the veins of royalty?"

Sure she isn't half-dragon. And he's not a time-travelling, world-hopping teenager. Her father is a dragon, something must have rubbed off on her. His pointy ears and red eyes for one. Then again, he isn't technically supposed to know anything about Corrin. It's for the best that he fakes it.

"No, it's not really the same." He chuckles to himself. "Still, wouldn't it be helpful if she could turn into a dragon? That would be quite some firepower in one's arsenal," he jokes.

Xander is not amused.

******

It has been too long since he has last seen his little princess. The way she runs out of the door and straight into his arms, hopping from one sibling to the next in excitement. She has grown since their last visit. It saddens him. He should be a more prominent figure in her life, but there was little he could do. Xander hates that she must live so far from them all. Who cared if she was the daughter of the Hoshidan royalty? She has very little memory of her time there and she has proven to be obedient. For the most part.

There's an odd quality about her that he cannot pinpoint. Her exuberance and passionate nature. From what he has heard, Queen Mikoto is quite a humble person and King Sumeragi was headstrong, but not in the way Corrin presents herself. He supposed Sumeragi's was stemmed from his position and his samurai background. Corrin's stems from something...within. It drives her to do things others would think impossible.

His eyes glance over her appearance. Those trademark pointy ears and red eyes mocking him. He has come to ignore such features. They were, after all, just want made Corrin, Corrin. Yet they always strike him as marking her special. Different from the rest, immediately upon birth. Her features so...draconic in nature. He sometimes can't help but wonder if she's even related to the Hoshidans as he initially thought. Not that it mattered, she has been his sister in every aspect except blood since she was brought to Nohr.

__________________________________________________________

Something changed after that night. He could tell in the way Xander would seek his council before reaching a decision. It was odd to have such trust placed upon him and so soon. He's still new to this world and their ways. It's hard to know if something which worked in Ylisse would work here as well. Both kingdoms behaving very differently from one another. But, in the end, war is war. And people are human. There's nothing really different at all when he thinks of it like that. He thanks his father every day for those tedious lessons.

"Laslow."

Laslow straightens to attention as Xander enters the room. A small scroll in his palm. He grimaces at its presence. Another mission from the king.

"When are we to leave?"

Xander pauses. The man still not quite used to having someone willing to go with him. He has thought about asking Peri to join. She has a knack for killing people. But, there was something about the haphazard way she went about doing it. These people tended not to be barbarians. They deserved a more dignified death. Xander had agreed.

"Tomorrow at first light," he sighs.

"I shall be ready by nightfall."

Xander's grateful smile causes his own lips to curl upward.

* * * * *

Another mission from his father. What he wouldn’t give to ignore such demands, but he remains silent as he prepares his bag. He has thought about asking Peri to join. She has a knack for killing people. But, there was something about the haphazard way she went about doing it. These people were not barbarians. They deserved a more dignified death then she would grant them.  
__________________________________________________________

Being a retainer had its perks, not as many perks as he once enjoyed, but enough. And the castle is much bigger than what he's used to. Not to mention darker and more dreary. Though the people are friendly enough from what he can gather so far. However, his new-ish master of about five months, Prince Xander, is something else entirely and he's not quite sure what to make of him. He has noticed that Lord Xander has been in his study a lot since returning from his mission from King Garon. Peri says it's quite usual for him so he hasn't paid it much mind. However, tonight is going on his seventh full day. A very unusual thing to him. So he meanders down into the kitchen where some of the maids are bustling about. Laslow reaches for a delicious looking tart on the counter. Smack. He pulls away in alarm, eyes flicking to the young woman beside him. His hand unconsciously rubbing the hurt one.

"Just because you're a royal retainer does not mean you get special treatment," she chastises.

Laslow grins, automatically slipping into his carefree attitude.

"You wound me my dear lady. I was going to share the tart with Lord Xander."

She scoffs at him, but a tiny frown mares her cute face. Her eyes dart to the freshly made tart between them.

"Perhaps…"

Her words trail off. Laslow's grin slowly falls from his face, the young woman's behaviour baffling him. She turns to stare at him, lips pursed. Her body twists as she reaches for a napkin, delicately placing the tart on it, wrapping it, and handing it to him. Laslow stares in bewilderment as she places the package in his upturned palm. She looks to him imploringly.

"Please, make sure he eats it."

Laslow doesn't say anything as she ushers him out of the kitchen. He stares at the little package unsure of what exactly just happened. Not wanting to linger on it anymore, he makes his way to Lord Xander's study. Or where he thinks his study is. At least the tart is still warm when he finally knocks on the correct door. A tray of barely touched food sits outside it.

"Milord?" There's not a sound. "Milord, are you in there?"

Silence. Laslow frowns, pretty sure he has the correct room. The servants wouldn't lie to him would they? No. He knocks. Perhaps he cannot hear him through the door? Still not an answer. His gut contorts the longer he stands there. Seven days. A sense of urgency envelops though he has the sense to safely deposit the tart on the ground. He reaches into his hair, pulling out the pin within. Looking around, he inserts the pin into the lock. Twisting and turning. It's been ages since he picked a lock, but he grins in triumph as a click resounds in the hall.

He wastes no time opening the door, his heart pounding with adrenaline. The breath leaves his body when he sees Lord Xander. Pale and gaunt looking and currently unconscious against his desk. Laslow pulls past his fears. Maybe he is just sleeping? He crouches beside him, his fingers automatically going to the pulse in his neck. Faint, but there.

"Milord?" Xander doesn't stir. "Milord?"

He shakes his shoulder, not caring that he is crossing a boundary. A haggard groan greets him. The breath he held dissipates. Amber eyes blink as he looks around, confusion evident in his face. His eyes close as he gets his bearings, a wistful sigh leaving his lips. Laslow's breath hitches at the sound. So...exhausted. Their eyes lock. His hand retracts from Lord Xander's shoulder remembering his place.

"Milord?"

Xander blinks at the title before turning to face him.

"How did you get in here?"

"I picked the lock."

His brow creases as he looks to the door and back to him.

"But you're a mercenary?"

Laslow would laugh if his heart wasn't pounding in his chest.

"It's a skill I picked up from an old friend. Milord do -"

His words cut off as Xander speaks.

"I'm so tired Laslow."

It was so quiet. Too quiet. He wouldn't have heard a thing if he wasn't hovering over him already. His heart freezes. Damn it all. Laslow goes to the door, grabbing the tart and shutting the door behind him, relocking it for privacy sakes. Lord Xander watches him as he places the little package on the floor before him.

"What is that?"

His voice is a little hoarse. When was the last time he talked to anyone? Laslow quickly unwraps the napkin, revealing the pastry within.

"When was the last time you ate?"

His tone stern yet gentle. Xander looks away from the thing as if offended.

"I'm not hungry."

Laslow sighs, taking a seat beside him. His back resting comfortably against the desk. They sit in silence for what feels like hours, but could surely only be minutes. He doesn't say anything when he sees Xander move forward, reaching for the dessert. The man eyes it critically. Laslow's easy grin falls into place.

"Would you like me to sample it for poison milord? I'd be more than happy to oblige," he teases.

Xander cast his gaze over him. Did he overstep another boundary? Damn, it's going to be tough reigning in some of his habits here. But the slight twitch of his lip washes away his fears. He stares at the baked good for a bit longer before taking a small bite. Laslow smiles. They're getting somewhere.

"If you enjoy it so much, I'm sure I can convince the lovely lady to make another one."

The tart hovers at his lips.

"I'm fine with this, thank you."

Laslow hums, refraining from comment as he takes another bite. He really should eat more, but baby steps. Baby steps.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

Xander pauses mid-chew. Laslow mentally kicks himself, so much for baby steps. Apparently, he wants to dive headfirst into a shallow bank. Lord Xander swallows and stares at nothing, staying silent. He can't blame him. He always hated when someone asked him point blank what was wrong. Usually it was Owain who always asked. But it did feel good to know that someone was paying attention. That they cared enough to ask.

"Father had requested my assistance in an unruly town." Laslow flinches at his voice not really expecting it, but he listens with rapt attention. "Turns out, it was only one unruly person, but…" He looks away, eyes downcast and shadowed. Laslow swallows, somehow knowing where this will be going. "He ordered the entire town be 'made an example of'. I felt helpless...I couldn't watch."

He can guess what had happened. They'd been ordered to kill. Slaughter really. He knew he wouldn't like King Garon the moment he laid eyes on him. Something about the man making his hair stand on end. Who would ask that of their son? Their child? He couldn't fathom it. His father would never ask such a thing from him. Then again, his father held much different beliefs than this king.

"I had to dispatch the town leader. My hands trembled the entire time and his expression...it was defiant, regal, and understanding as he looked at me. A quick death was the only mercy I could give him. He haunts me every time I close my eyes…"

He's not really sure what to say to that, so he does the only thing he knows: he leans on him. His head resting against his broad shoulder. If there was one thing that always comforted him in times of dire stress, it was physical contact. The direct assurance that he wasn't alone. Someone he could draw strength from even in the silence. Xander starts at the contact and he's sure he'll be reprimanded, but he isn't. Instead, he leans into him. Moments pass.

"What is the song you're singing?" Xander asks. "It sounds like a lullaby."

Laslow starts not realizing he was singing aloud.

"It was a song my mother used to sing to me."

"It's beautiful."

Silence. He did a fair share of things that still haunt him. And he always stood by his sister's side no matter what happened. As second born, it wasn't his job to carry that weight on his shoulders. It was his sister's, but he eased the burden off her shoulders when he could. Offering his unconditional support. She never said it in words, but he knew how much it meant to her. To not have to face the world alone. They faced it together, coming out stronger for it in the end.

"Milord, may I accompany you the next time you are to go out?"

He can feel the shake of Xander's head against his own.

"I cannot put such a burden on you or Peri."

Laslow shakes his head in denial. He won't let him push him away. His sister tried the same thing and she failed spectacularly. Being a bit pushy had its uses.

"The world is a hazardous place milord and it can be unfairly cruel. I find having someone to go through it with helps a lot."

"Your hands should not be stained as mine have been," he retorts.

Laslow chuckles humorlessly.

"I believe I am far past that point, milord." Xander gives him a peculiar look. "Let me stand by your side as a retainer should. And when you can't go on, I'll fight for you."

Xander's mouth opens and closes at his statement.

"Would you truly tear apart your soul just to spare mine?"

He winces.

"That's putting it in harsh terms."

"It's the truth," Xander whispers.

Laslow sighs. It doesn't surprise him to realize he meant every word he had said. Seeing his lord in such a state is heartbreaking reminding him of his own sister's plights. Even his own. He knows how unpleasant it can be. If he can spare Xander even a bit of that pain, he will gladly do it. Even if it means going against what he believes.

"I believe Naga will forgive me."

His lord doesn't press for an explanation and he doesn't have one to spare. It would be too difficult to explain anyway. Especially in the state they currently find themselves in. He leans back against Xander's shoulder. His lord hunkering down and making himself more comfortable. They should probably get to sleep. Naga knows Xander needs it, but he doesn't want to break this moment. He needs this just as much if not more then a goodnight's rest. A content sigh leaves his lips, for once feeling like he has a place in this world.

"Everything will be alright, milord."

******

He can't do this anymore. Xander has always prided himself of the fact that he could protect his siblings especially after their father took a turn for the worst. He's ill. Father's just ill. Once the war is won, he'll be himself again. He has to think that way or he'll crumble. Because what man in his right mind would order such things to be done?

Xander closes his eyes as the ghosts of the townspeople fill his mind. Mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters. None were spared from the king's army. He felt helpless as he watched his father's men at work. Hans cackling as he swung his axe at a child. A child.

It was sheer willpower that led him to the town's leader. His house a bit bigger than the rest though not by much. He had stood so defiantely in the wake of his entrance. It was a regal sight to behold. He tried to keep his face composed, but his hand trembled as his sword lifted to cut him down. The man's eyes widened at the minute action. And then, Xander nearly lost his breath. He smiled. The man he was about to slaughter for no fault of his own smiled at him, his executioner. It was too much and he had to put a stop to it.

The sword ran through him cleanly, giving him a quick and mostly painless death. But Xander might as well had cut him into little pieces with how he felt. He fled the scene, ordering his father's men back to the castle. Leaving a few to clean up the mess they left in their wake. Xander wanted to vomit.

He can't look at his siblings for fear they will see the monster he is slowly becoming. Food does not appeal to him. Sleep evades him. He knows he is slowly ruining himself, but he finds he does not care. Anything had to be better than this...But he has to pull through. If not for himself than for his brother and his sisters. They rely on him. He's their rock and he'll be damned if he let's them fall. That means he has to get himself put back together, a first good step would be to eat something. When was the last time he had eaten? Xander didn't know, but for some reason, a fruit tart sounded like just the thing he craved.

He can only hope things will be better in the future. Cause right now, he was everything but alright.


End file.
